Babe in Toyland

As someone who will probably be a working momma, I feel very lucky to be home with you this summer, as you discover your toys and what can be done with them. Your auntie says it's warp speed from here, and I'm sure that's true.

After all, at first, you didn't seem to know what to do with your hands. But now you're learning to clutch and bop and push.

And you're having a good time learning and looking -- and of course, as they say, EVERYthing goes in the mouth.

And it seems teething and toys sometimes go together.  It's nice to have distractions from the teething, I guess.
 

Even if sometimes you look like a mechanic with a stogie.

You may not always understand your momma...

 

...but it sure is nice to have the time together.


It really is fun to see things as you see them. You find such joy and wonder in your little toyland. And as you learn to clutch and bop and push, you're learning other things, too:


Playtime is all about new experiences.

People are ultimately more interesting than toys.

Especially when those people are in your family.

Cousins!!

Playtime is good for making new friends.

And ya gotta keep your friends close.

Playtime is seriously interesting...

...but don't take playtime too seriously.

Our time together is lots of fun, Lolabug. I know as you continue to grow, we will have even more to learn and experience together.  And you make me smile now, because you're a funny kid.



'Til next time, Love to my Lorelai :-)

Daddy's Girl

To our Lorelai –

I don’t want my letters to you to overlook the third and very important member of our family.  As you’re starting to figure out, your daddy is a pretty cool guy.

Let me tell you about your daddy.

He’s the guy who rushes through his breakfast every workday so he has time to wash bottles and make formula.

He’s the guy who will get down on the floor to play with you even though he says he isn’t sure how to play.  (He’s doing just fine, by the way.)

He’s the guy who declares a couple nights each week as daddy-daughter bath and bed time, to give your mommy a break and to spend time cooing at his little girl.

He’s the guy whose favorite weekend activity is “to walk together as a family.”  (This means the dog, too.)

He’s the guy whose day isn’t complete until he has hugged and kissed the both of us.

So, on his first Father’s Day, let’s make a pact.  When he tickles your belly or makes goofy faces, laugh. A daddy made happy by your laughter is pretty awesome.  When he talks to you about the weather or his plants, listen. He’s including you in his world.

And when he gets you ready for nap or bedtime, snuggle.  Drift off to sleep trusting in your Daddy’s love.  It’s easy to do when he gives it so freely.

'Til next time, Love to our Lorelai

Puppy Love

To my funny Lorelai:

You have recently made a very important discovery:

We have a dog.

Granted, you probably don't know what a "dog" is quite yet, but that walking, breathing ball of fluff is entertaining and a bit mystifying.

That fluff, my sweet, is Betty Boop, and until you came along, her role as dogbaby went unchallenged. She loves her people. So when we first brought you home, she did her doggy best to pout.

She seemed to especially pout around your momma, who she snuggled for hours on the couch as we awaited your arrival. 

I think she was rather confused, as, out of necessity in caring for my Lolabug, I paid her less attention in those first few months. She took to stubbornly wedging herself under my legs each evening, even if there was no room -- a habit she hasn't ditched yet.  And the first few times I tried to introduce the two of you face-to-face, she ran away. Truly.

But as I said, she loves her people. And I think she's starting to realize her people have increased by one. So she's beginning to check you out as you check her out.

She may not quite share your level of excitement about your budding friendship, especially since your excitement tends to culminate in a rather high-pitched shriek.

But I have no doubt that you're growing on her.

So be gentle, little Lorelai, and -- for goodness' sake -- spare her the fate of your little cat:

And soon enough, the two of you -- my baby and my dogbaby -- will be buddies for sure.

'Til next time, Love to my Lorelai :-)

Grateful for Grace

To Lorelai, my Lolabug, little Ellie –

It’s already hard to believe that not too long ago, this was us. 

And you were once this small…

It’s a joy to see you changing as you grow – smiles that turn into laughter, little hands that reach now with purpose.  Your little personality is forming, and goodness, it’s fun to see. J

Yet, in our first months together, I struggled.  And my struggle surprised me.  We prayed for you, we waited for you, we greeted you joyously.  So I couldn’t understand why adjusting seemed so hard for me. 

In talking with my mommy friends, I came to realize that becoming a mom is initially hard for most moms for awhile.  But these friends seemed to me more able to manage, to take change in stride.  I couldn’t understand why I felt the way I did.  I now know that some things about your mommy – my age, my desire to get things “right” – made my struggle more likely.  But I think I understand a purpose in it now, too.

At least in terms of challenges I choose to put on my plate, I like to think I can do all things.  But this isn’t true.  And it isn’t what we’re promised: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”  I’ve heard these words often – and I’m sure I’ll try to teach them to you J – but I’m not sure I really embraced them until recently.  I saw my struggle as weakness, and I felt shame.  But after some time, I began to think about what I would hope to teach you by my example:

“You better try hard, Lorelai, because you’re on your own.  Failure is the scariest thing possible.  Get it right the first time, because otherwise, you’ll be disappointing.”

Um, no.  That doesn’t seem right.  It's definitely not what I want you believing. And being hard on myself won’t help either one of us.  Deep breath, lots of prayer – let’s try that message again:

“Try, baby girl.  But if you struggle, it’s okay.  Need Him.  If you’re frustrated, it’s okay.  Need Him.  And if you stumble – well, I stumble, too.  But it’s okay.  He loves us both.  So we try again.  And we hope.  And we need Him.  And it gets better.”

Yes, that one’s right.  And grace is real.  Where we are today is not where we were a few months ago, and I believe God is working in your momma.  I'm beginning to believe that He'll equip me and that His plans for us are good.  I’m learning to take things a little at a time and to enjoy quiet moments, especially quiet moments with you and our little family. 

And when I look back to the harder days, I see the cloud of witnesses, the blessings God brought around you and your momma.  Friends who stepped in and provided food and attention.  New mommy friends who could sympathize and encourage at just the right time.  People to love on both of us and remind us of His love.

And you are so very loved, Lolabug.

‘Til next time, Love to my Lorelai J

A Swing and a Prayer

To Lorelai, my Lolabug, little Ellie --


You are 4 months old, my sweet. It's hard to hold on to how much has changed these months, but I want to hold on to these moments with you.

So I find myself writing -- and storing these thoughts for loved friends and family to see. Somewhat strange for your momma, who is ultimately pretty shy. Some of my favorite people have chosen to blog, at both beautiful and devastating times in their lives. I admire their openness, their letters to the world.

But these letters are for you.  And for me, too, I think. 


Anyone who knows me well knows that sometimes I have too many words -- and sometimes I speak in grunts. 


As much as I love words and the words of certain others, I don't trust my ability to find the right ones. I have trouble expressing my feelings, and I'm a bit of a perfectionist.  These are things I hope will change. I have this funny feeling that you'll be helping me with both of these things, baby girl.


I'm not sure how often I'll write to you, because it will be better for both of us if I avoid making this part of some to-do list.  What I want is to take moments to stop and notice how amazing your little life is, no matter how often we stop.


So I'll stop today after celebrating recent moments, both big and small.


The big -- two weeks ago, your daddy and I dedicated you in church.  You are precious and so worth our commitment.  I loved the chance to stand together in front of loved ones and our church family, and pray over your future.  I know you are God's gift, and I cherish our little family.

Such a sweet girl!

You had such a good day with family who came to celebrate you.  You even took a picture with cousin Ryan and your great-grandmother, Maw, who originally made your outfit for me and made little Ryan's outfit, too :)

And the small -- you're learning to love time outside swinging.  And I love watching you swing.  Both in our back yard, where we can talk...

And at the nearby, shaded park...

'Til next time -- Love to my Lorelai <3